JEREMY Corbyn is to play to packed stadiums across the world, reading out bits of economic policy from the Labour manifesto.
Tour manager Nikki Hollis said: “This is the biggest production I’ve handled since The Rolling Stones. Jeremy wants a 150-foot mechanical Nye Bevan and a group of 200 miners singing a medley of angry folk songs.
“Fortunately his rider is just a jug of tap water, a jam sandwich and an old woman he can empathise with.”
Fan Tom Logan said: “I’ve got front-row seats for the London gig. I can’t wait to stage-dive while he reads out the bit about international trade agreements.”
Tour merchandise will include ‘J-Co’ branded pushbikes, cardigans and fake beards, while the support act will be Guardian intern Owen Jones reading out a 4000-word essay about renationalising British Airways.
Hollis added: “Tickets are for the many, not the few, so long as the many can afford £80 plus a £15 booking fee.”