Crowd at Northamptonshire village fete breaks into chant of 'Andrea Leadsom'

A PASSIONATE crowd of about 15 people broke into chants of ‘Oh, Andrea Leadsom’ at a village fete in Northamptonshire yesterday.

The chant, to the tune of The White Stripes’ Seven Nation Army, spread rapidly through the crowd in the village of Spemble, before Leadsom surprised everyone by turning up and doing the tombola.

Local resident, Tom Booker, said: “Everyone around me was chanting her name.

“From the cheese stand to the balloon corner, everyone let it be known that they wanted Andrea Leadsom to run this country.

“It was kind of deafening when I think about it.”

Fellow resident, Emma Bradford, added: “You can’t argue with those kinds of numbers.”

Leadsom then gave a rousing three minute speech about ‘why we should all be more patriotic’, ending with a quote she claimed was from Gandhi but was actually from Hermann Goering.

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Glitter from Glastonbury getting absolutely f**king everywhere

EVERYTHING in the UK now has some glitter on it because of Glastonbury, it has been confirmed.

Scientists have found the twinkly substance on every single person and object in the UK whether they have attended the festival or not, including hermits, convicts and an empty crisp packet found at the top of Ben Nevis.

New mother Emma Bradford said: “My baby had been in the outside world for less than four minutes when I noticed a speck of glitter in the folds of her neck. How did it get there?

“Had the midwife recently returned from this mental glittery gurnfest in a field and transferred it during the birth?

“Or is my womb actually full of the stuff and it looks like a tent that’s been abandoned after an MDMA-fuelled weekend in Somerset? I suspect the latter.”

Disease expert Dr Helen Archer said: “Glitter is a modern day scourge akin to the Black Death, impossible to control with conventional methods but transferred from person to person with terrifying ease.

“Sorry, there’s a bit on your chin there. Just there.”

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