Curse of the ‘Oscars selfie’ begins as Meryl Streep eaten by bats

MERYL Streep has become the first person in the historic ‘Oscars selfie’ to fall victim to its curse.

Moments after the photo was taken by host Ellen de Generes, scientists warned that all those pictured would die in a bizarre way.

Three-time Oscar winner Streep became the first victim last night when she returned to her Malibu home to find it full of bats which, according to friends, then ate her.

De Generes dismissed claims of a curse ‘on the advice of her lawyers’, but sources close to the comedian claim she will never again be in the same room as anyone else in the photo.

A insider said: “Ellen is hoping the curse will focus its energy on Brad and Angelina as they are the biggest prizes.

“That should give her, Spacey, Roberts, Lawrence, Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper, Lupita Nyong’o and her brother enough time to get their affairs in order.”

Meanwhile, Kevin Spacey’s agent has been told to go to a remote part of the California desert where he will find a cardboard box just big enough to hold a human head.


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'Couples' railcard traps thousands in hateful relationships

PEOPLE in damaging relationships will stay together to get a third off rail travel, it has been claimed.

The Two Together rail card means people travelling in pairs get a discount, even if they cannot stand the  sight of each other.

43-year-old Norman Steele said: “My wife’s a right bitch but also the only person I travel with.

“I was planning to divorce her but with train fares going through the roof it looks like I’ll be glaring hatefully at the side of her face as she scoffs her Boots Meal Deal for some time to come.

“Really I need to start having an affair so that when the time comes I can swap their details over on the card.”