RUSSELL T Davies has confirmed that his upcoming series of Doctor Who is not for children but for adults who, for complex reasons, are unable to enjoy proper television.
The showrunner explained that, despite being about a magic man in a magic house who travels through time, the show is aimed firmly at an adult audience albeit one that has certain unresolved issues.
He continued: “These new specials bring back David Tennant as the nice safe man you had a crush on when you were too young to understand why. You’ll like that.
“One of the episodes is also very scary. Not, like, horror film scary, just scary for those who have yet to graduate past television that resolves neatly in 45 minutes with happy, happy smiles.
“Why is it still on at teatime before the watershed? Because this audience has very specific demands and will not tolerate change. It upsets them, and it’s easier to pander to them than put up with their online tantrums.
“So yes, Doctor Who is for adults, but a particular subset of adults. Don’t try to just watch it if you’re normal. You won’t know what the f**k’s going on or why it even exists.”
Doctor Who fan Oliver O’Connor said: “I hope they finally resolve the questions left by The Brain Of Morbius that have tormented me ever since. It was also when Dad left.”