Fantasy novel not part of a trilogy

THE fantasy-reading community has been left confused by a tale of noble houses, war and dragons that concludes in one volume.

The War of the Flame Runes by Julian Cook, a story of trolls and foul lich-lords threatening to destroy the noble houses of High Teo’felx, lasts only 300 pages and contains no maps.

Reader Wayne Hayes said: “As the book raced toward its climax, my disquiet grew as none of the heroes were sent on the meandering quest for a mystic artefact that traditionally fills the middle book of a trilogy.

“The forces of chaos were defeated, and it was all done and dusted in one book, like it was literature or something.

“Couldn’t he at least have padded it out with the lengthy back stories of incidental characters who die anyway, then split it into two volumes? Anything to stave off reality.”

Writer Julian Cook said: “I originally intended to spin things out for at least nine books, maybe twelve, but after nine hours of hobbit movies I thought maybe readers would appreciate some brevity.

“Evidently not. Never mind, I can just bring all the baddies back because it’s magic.”

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Homeopathy to cure itself

HOMEOPATHY will have eradicated itself by 2032, it has been confirmed.

Experts believe that the trend for little bottles of water that has been shaken about a bit will gradually decline as people realise it does nothing.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Homeopathy is based on the principle that like cures like, which is actually pretty robust when applied to homeopathy.

“For example if you’ve bought a bottle of liquid with a picture of a flower on it only to find it doesn’t cure your crippling anxiety attacks, you probably won’t bother again.”

However homeopath Emma Bradford disagreed: “Like mumps, homeopathy will adapt and survive.

“For example we could start calling it ‘space water’ or pretend it is the urine of fairies. Or make homeopathic furniture that is desirable because it has been near other, nicer, furniture.

“I’m making this up as I go along, so you see the possibilities are endless.”