Madonna's Hung Up, and other songs with samples that ruined the original

MADONNA begged ABBA for permission to sample Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! and now you can’t hear it without thinking of her shoddy version. But it’s not the only tune ruined by being sampled.

Hung Up by Madonna (2005)

ABBA are notoriously strict about who can use their back catalogue, as The KLF found out when they were sued for sampling Dancing Queen without permission. Weirdly, though, they were happy to let Madonna use Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!. Clearly they hadn’t heard Hung Up, which is less a sample, and more Madge droning limply over the the original. Also, the leotard she wears in the video is so disturbingly skimpy in the crotch area you’ll be put off your dinner.

Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) by Jay-Z (1998)

If you had even a smidgen of affection for Annie before you heard this song, it will have been completely destroyed after you’ve heard Jay-Z and friends mumbling along to it. Are lyrics like ‘with the smoke Glock fleeing the murder scene’ appropriate for a track sampling a song from a kids’ film? Jay seems to think so, but fortunately the video doesn’t feature any annoying little ginger kids.

Bootylicious by Destiny’s Child (2002)

Aside from ‘bootylicious’ being the type of cringe noughties phrase you never want to hear again, this is a cracking song. However, Stevie Nicks’ Edge of Seventeen is also a cracking song, and you can’t listen to one of them without also hearing the other. Is it a problem? Maybe not, and anyway, the behemoth that is Beyoncé will swallow up all the other music in the world eventually. She’s doing country next, you know. 

Stronger by Kanye West (2007)

Kanye West was already a bit of a dick when this song was released, but hadn’t yet married a Kardashian or praised Hitler and called himself a Nazi, so you can forgive Daft Punk for allowing him to sample Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. They probably regret it now West has gone full fascist but it’s too late, and the two are forever associated in your mind.

I’ll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy (1997)

It’s nice that Puff Daddy wanted to create a tribute to Biggie Smalls, but did he have to take Sting’s creepy stalking song and make it even worse by turning it into something so horribly mawkish and sentimental? It seems he did. The silver lining here is that he didn’t ruin a better song, but sometimes the most respectful thing to do is say nothing at all.

Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift (2017)

I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred has been sampled a huge amount of times, but probably the most impressive outing for what can only reasonably described as a novelty joke song is Look What You Made Me Do. It’s not a bad tune, but all you can think about when you hear it is how much cash it’s raking in for the Fairbrass brothers, which means they don’t have to work and can spend all their time polluting social media with mad anti-vax conspiracy theories. Thanks, Taylor.

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Parliament provides salutary lesson on what happens if you express an opinion on Gaza

A HUGE row in the Commons which threatened the Speaker’s position and damaged everyone involved has proved it is never worth having an opinion on Gaza.

Yesterday’s argument between Labour, the SNP and the Conservatives lasted hours, has wreaked chaos in our democratic institutions and hardened opinions on every side while achieving nothing practical of any note, which appears to be what happens.

Speaker Lindsay Hoyle said: “Learn from us. All we did was debate an amendment and everything went to shit.

“Within a few fractious hours the SNP were so furious they’re teaming up with the Tories to sack me, you couldn’t hear announcements for shouting and there was a mass walkout that looked terrible on the news.

“Now imagine raising the issue at work. No matter how careful you think you’re being with your ‘I just think the loss of life is terrible’, someone’s going to end up facing HR.

“Imagine it with your family. Two minutes of bland sentiment and your teenage daughter’s slammed her door to blast you on TikTok, your brother-in-law is yelling that you’re everything wrong with leftie Britain and your grandfather’s cut you out of his will.

“Take it from us, keep your f**king head down until it’s all over. For a few years. Until it all starts again.”