Saturday, 8th May 2021

Man recreates music festival at home by wetting himself in a sleeping bag

A MAN has recreated the experience of attending a music festival in his own home by wetting himself in a sleeping bag.

Music lover Stephen Malley voluntarily lost control of his bladder whilst lying in a nylon cocoon in an attempt to make up for the fun he will be missing this year at events such as Glastonbury.

Malley said: “If you make a YouTube playlist of shit bands and wave goodbye to your dignity, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy the pleasures of a music festival from the comfort of your living room.

“Kipping in a North Face sleeping bag filled with my own lukewarm piss was the pinnacle though, so I built up to it by spending hours pointlessly refreshing the same webpage and then dragging my clothes through some mud.”

Festival organiser Tom Booker said: “Waking up swimming in your own urine is the highlight of the festival experience, and I’m glad Stephen isn’t letting coronavirus get in the way of living that dream.

“However, for campers who prefer a VIP experience I recommend drinking gin-based botanical cocktails instead of a three-litre bottle of White Lightning.”