Milton Keynes told to ditch European Capital of Culture bid but not because of Brexit

MILTON Keynes has been advised its European Capital of Culture bid would be unsuccessful even if Britain stayed in the EU and paid £350m a day.

Confirming the UK candidate cities would be excluded from the contest, an EU spokesman said: “It’s a shame about Dundee, Belfast and Leeds. They have some culture. Not what we Europeans would necessarily call proper culture, but they had the right idea.

“Nottingham was an odd one, but we honest-to-god just assumed that Milton Keynes was a joke.”

The spokesman added: “Anyway, we would hate for the people of  Milton Keynes to think they lost out because of Brexit. That would be unfair and unhelpful to them in the long term. There was never the slightest chance they would even be considered.

“We’d be more likely to award the title to an abandoned bus in a scrapyard in Mogadishu.

“Was it actually a joke?”