YOUR parents have been happily married for years. But if anyone of these blokes tried to woo her, your mum would chuck your dad in an instant.
Kevin McCloud
No ordinary man stands a chance next to this thoughtful, measured leather-jacket-clad siren. If he ever showed an interest in your mum, your dad would be living out of a suitcase in your spare room while she’s lording it up with McCloud in an architectural gem in the Dordogne.
Monty Don
With his sensitive gardening hands and a voice so rich and chocolatey it makes your mum’s knee replacements quiver, Monty Don is the ultimate dream boat for seniors. Unlike your father, Monty has interests beyond drinking Old Peculiar in front of the rugby, and your mum longs to roll around with him on a bed of chrysanthemums at Longmeadow.
Alexander Armstrong
Picture the scene: your mum’s bridge club have been bussed in to be in the audience for a taping of Pointless and Armstrong flashes her a wink from behind his podium. Instantly, she’s sprinting onto the set, tearing off her wedding ring, ready for a hot slice of middle-aged quiz host. And if she’s misread the situation, she’ll settle for Osman.
Paul Hollywood
Paul Hollywood ia a gorgeous silver fox with eyes like sapphires filled with sexy hate and he can bake. Your dad meanwhile, is a retired plumber with a questionable moustache and bad breath. If Hollywood came knocking, your mum would be like a moth to that burning Scouse flame.
Dermot O’Leary
Don’t think that your mum wouldn’t throw everything away for one night of sordid passion with this fine hunk. Who cares that he’s two decades younger than her at a mere 49-years-old? As far as she’s concerned, being a young whippersnapper makes him all the more exciting.
