Nine-month-old in Nirvana babygro actually much more into Pearl Jam

A BABY wearing a Nirvana babygro actually much prefers their contemporaries Pearl Jam, he has admitted. 

Nine-month-old Tom Booker, who was bought the logo-bearing all-in-one by his father, explained that his strong feelings on the roots of grunge were not reflected by his clothing.

He said: “Face it. Nirvana had one good album. 

“Pearl Jam, who came out of Seattle at the same time and were much more popular before MTV boosted pretty-boy Cobain to stardom, eclipsed them decades ago and are still a compelling live proposition today. 

“But just because of his suicide, idiots like my dad still worship Nirvana as if they were edgy and rock ’n’ roll. It’s pathetic. 

“As soon as I get any motor control I’ll be tearing this thing off and changing the Spotify password to stop the bloody endless Nevermind. And don’t get me started on Foo Fighters.” 

Booker added: “Still, it is some comfort to me that Cobain would be spinning in his grave if he could see this gross commercialisation of everything he stood for. Also I like crapping in it.” 

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'What f**king month is it?' ask pissed-off bees

BRITAIN’S bees are in an absolutely foul mood after being woken up hideously early.

Unseasonably warm weather has curtailed the hibernation of millions of bumblebees who confirmed they are going to be ‘obnoxious arseholes’ for the rest of the year.

Bee Tom Logan said: “What time is it? February? Piss off.

“Nature is an increasingly shit alarm clock. Maybe it’s something to do with man-made global warming, which, by the way, is killing millions of fucking bees.

“I can’t go back to bed. It doesn’t work like that – which you would know if you weren’t so pathologically self-absorbed.”

Logan added: “Never mind, right now I just need some coffee. I’ll nip down to Starbucks and scare away some millennial twats.”