ONE of the best things about being a celebrity is being rich. Which makes the decisions of some of them to flog these products all the more baffling.
Kim Kardashian – Charmin toilet paper
Before the Kardashians completely engulfed popular culture, Kim was scraping a living as a celebrity brand ambassador opening promotional stalls for Charmin in Times Square, and the association still lingers. Do we really want to be thinking about a beautiful, wealthy woman while wiping excrement from our own undercarriages? Not really.
Ozzy Osbourne – I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!
Who better to take your advice on food from than a man who obliterated his taste buds with booze, drugs and fags during the 1980s? Given that the thing Ozzy is most famous for eating is the head of a bat, his seal of approval is probably worth less than the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! PR team had hoped.
JLS – Durex condoms
You spent months working up the courage to ask out your sexy colleague and, to your astonishment, they agreed. Now, the date’s going well and you’re back at their flat getting ready to shag – except, what’s that? You’ve reached for a johnny and found yourself staring at the face of Aston Merrygold. The sexual tension immediately deflates along with your penis.
John Lydon – Country Life butter
The spreadable fats industry seems to have an obsession with ageing rockstars, but there’s nothing more tragic than watching a gurning pensioner with purple hair trying to flog processed dairy. If someone gave Johnny Rotten a time machine in 1977 so he could see himself hawking butter, he’d save us all some time and punch himself in the face.
Iggy Pop – Swiftcover insurance
One of the more bizarre collaborations was Iggy Pop trying to flog insurance on television. Is there any greater nail in the coffin of a rockstar’s career than advising you to take out third party theft insurance? Especially a man who has so abused his body that any health cover provider would laugh in his drug-addled face.
Jackie Chan – Woolworths
It would be a safe bet to say that Jackie Chan had little idea of what a Woolworths was and never set foot inside one, but he was happy to make some cash from endorsing it nonetheless. Unfortunately for Woolworths however, they encountered the one enemy that the star of The Tuxedo couldn’t defeat with kung-fu: financial insolvency.