A COUPLE with two children under eight have been watching The Revenant every night for the last two weeks because the kids will not stay the f**k in bed.
Emma and John Bradford began watching the film at 9.46pm on Thursday July 1st because they could not be arsed with Dragons’ Den, and finished it at 10.55pm yesterday.
Emma said: “They work as a tag team. Whenever one’s tucked up it’s the other one’s turn to come down.
“First there’s the random questions. Do they really need to know what their chin’s for, how socks are made or what colour a female duck is at f**king half-nine at night?
“Then there’s the endless illnesses they seem to get between the hours of 8pm and 10pm. Tummy aches, twitchy feet, hurty eyebrows and sore throats all miraculously gone by the morning.
“And all the other stuff stopping them from sleeping. They’re too hot, too cold, too itchy, starving hungry or their pyjamas are too pyjamary.
“Apparently we paused the film 286 times and watched it in slices of between 13 minutes and four seconds. I have no idea what happened. I think Leonardo DiCaprio was in it.”