GOING on holiday with your new-found freedom? Here’s how to have a bloody good row with your partner, as is traditional.
Where to eat
Really you can have whatever meal you fancy, especially if you’re in Portugal for two whole weeks. Don’t let this stop you having a furious argument about whether to go to a fish restaurant or not.
Relationship issues you haven’t addressed
Do you not actually get on with your partner? In the pressure cooker environment of spending all your time together in a foreign land you will soon notice each other’s f**king annoying habits. Have a blazing row about holding cutlery properly.
Go somewhere shit
Don’t go abroad, go somewhere horrible in Britain that will instantly raise tensions. Prestatyn is like a prison camp, and Southend-on-Sea is just grim. You’ll soon be so pissed off anything will spark an argument.
Your parents may well not like your partner, or vice versa. A supposedly relaxing holiday is the perfect opportunity to argue about what a patronising bastard your father-in-law is.
Should be straightforward; it’s just getting on a boat and floating around for a bit. Instead have lots of friction about: how long it will take, is it too expensive, will you get seasick? It’s these trivial issues that make for a truly memorable holiday row.
Visit awful places together
So many choices here: Europe is rammed with shit nightclubs, or at the other end of the scale you can force your partner to visit an extremely boring cathedral. As the day wears on you’ll end up arguing about historical architecture, which is at least a bit different.