Pointless now main source of further education in UK

QUIZ show Pointless is now providing a more effective adult education service than any UK college or university.

Researchers found that those wishing to discover the salient facts about world politics, the geography of central Africa or 19th century American literature are better off watching the programme than applying for some three year college course, most of which is likely to wash over them.

Norman Steele of Loughborough said: “From watching Pointless, I know all about Kyrgyzstan. For example, that its first eight letters are consonants and that it is bordered by Tajikistan.

“I could have spent thousands of pounds on some expensive course to learn all of this, plus I would have had to move into a shared house with untidy strangers.”

Student Tom Logan said: “I’ve spent the last five years studying the periodical table just so that I’d be ready for any chemistry question Pointless threw at me.

“My studies have enabled me to patent a pair of trousers that can change colour on voice command. 

“Sadly, though, I’ve still never reached the jackpot round. It’s always the musicals questions that get me. If Pointless teaches us one thing, it’s that mankind still has much to learn.”

The Daily Mash in your inbox
privacy

Ask Holly: The idiots are rising

Dear Holly,

At last, at the coming of the Vernal Equinox with the new moon in Virgo, Donald Trump is vanquishing the Free World, Twitter has fallen to Kanye West and Frank Spencer is coming back for a one-off special on BBC One. Behold: the Idiots are rising and darkness consumes the Earth. So, with things ticking over nicely I was thinking I might take a short holiday, maybe a mini-break to Center Parcs with the kids, although I’ve heard it’s a bit pricey. Where is good for the little’uns but won’t cost the world?

Satan

Bishops Stortford

Dear Satan,

My mummy and daddy love going on holidays to anywhere as long as it has a Kids Club, because otherwise they might end up having to spend time with their own children. I don’t mind though, I really enjoy spending all day with a load of other kids I don’t know who suffer from behavioural disorders because their parents don’t want to know them. Most of the time we all sit and rock and eat Play Doh and long for someone to love us like they do in Disneyland. 

Hope that helps,

Holly