Rocky Horror fan despises all it stands for in real life

A ROCKY Horror Show fan is actually disgusted by the lifestyles it depicts, he has revealed.

With creator Richard O’Brien joining a new West End run, sales manager Roy Hobbs is looking forward to watching hilarious sexual hi-jinks that would sicken him if they did not involve camp musical aliens.

Hobbs said: “Transsexual transvestite Dr Frank N Furter is a wonderfully outrageous comic creation, but if that pervert tried to touch me up in a gents’ toilet I’d spark him out.

“Similarly the scene where he seduces Brad and he enjoys it is hilarious, but I’m not in favour of gay marriage because God doesn’t like them. Also gays are bound to encourage their children to be gay.

“The character I wouldn’t have a problem with in real life is Magenta in her maid outfit, because that’s a normal, healthy fantasy about seducing lower-ranking employees who are afraid to turn you down.”

Hobbs said he was open-minded about participating in an orgy, as suggested in the musical, but on the strict condition that he would not be allowed to accidentally come into contact with another man’s bottom.

He added: “When I see the show I really get into the spirit and go wearing a basque and suspenders, although I keep pointing out I’ve got a wife and kids just in case anyone gets the wrong idea.

“Sometimes I’m curious about what it would be like to be one of these exotic pansexual gender benders, but then I have a cold shower and read Bravo Two Zero.”

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School suspends pupil with 'F**K SCHOOL' haircut

A 10-YEAR-OLD has been suspended by her headmaster just for having an obscene anti-school slogan shaved into her hair.

According to Kendall Sheridan’s mother Donna, what should have been a proud day showing off her new ‘FUCK SCHOOL’ hairstyle to friends at Romford’s Northbrook Academy ended with the 14-year-old being cruelly sent home in floods of tears.

Donna said: “Kendall loves to look good, and she’d spent all day with her stylist to come up with something really bold and original that expresses the real her.

“Apparently one of the staff thought it was offensive, but she’s my little girl and I think it looks beautiful. They’re meant to be teachers, not fashion critics.

“She’s at home now, getting no education, and there’s a real danger that she might start running wild. If she does it’s their fault and I’m suing.”

The ban has caused a number of Kendall’s friends and relations to stand around in the street with their arms folded, looking cross.

Meanwhile Kendall has been photographed pretending to be pissed off about not having to go to school.

She said: “They let fifth-formers wear black trainers instead of proper shoes, but when I get ‘FUCK SCHOOL’ shaved into my head apparently it’s a problem.

“Teachers need to learn about fairness.”