Six genres of music you can listen to now you're middle-aged

DO you no longer have to impress people with your taste in music because you’re middle-aged and inarguably uncool? Here are some banging genres to enjoy without shame: 

Soft rock

No teenager could ever let their peers, especially of the opposite sex, know they listened to Foreigner. But now you’ve lost your virginity and in fact have kids, so crank up Kenny Loggins’ Danger Zone and pretend your people carrier is an F-14 Tomcat.

Theme tunes

Theme tunes are music for people who like being reminded of watching telly. But now you don’t care, fill your boots with The Equalizer, Black Beauty, Blake’s 7, Miami Vice and, if you have no shame at all, Howard’s Way, The A-Team and Are You Being Served?

The Worst of Rave

Iisn’t it sort of cool to listen to dance music and prove you were once a pill-popping rebel? Not if it’s Urban Hype’s A Trip to Trumpton or similar Deep Heat favourites. All together now: ‘There’s a guy in the place with a bittersweet face and he goes by the name of Ebenezer Goode…’

Non-credible rap music

Dropping your kids off at school with Public Enemy’s By the Time I Get to Arizona blaring might earn you more kudos. But sod it, you’re 47 and driving a Kia Sportage so if you fancy some DMX don’t be afraid to inform unsuspecting mums and children that X gonna give it to them.


The Swedish supergroup merit their own genre due to their prolific output of well-crafted cheesy pop-disco. Now you are old and without embarrassment, weep as you sing along to The Winner Takes It All. 

80s crap

Glory of Love by Peter Cetera, You’re The Voice by John Farnham and to really push the tastelessness envelope, Butlins stalwart Shakin’ Stevens. Turn up the computer speakers and brazenly tell your kids you are ‘rocking out to Shaky’. You earn the money so they can f**k off.

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McDonald's meal not the joyful life-affirming event man expected

A MAN who was thrilled to be going for a drive-through McDonald’s was gutted to remember it is just so-so fast food.

Ryan Whittaker was counting the days until his local McDonald’s opened and leapt into his car for a mouthwatering burger feast to celebrate life gradually returning to normal.

He said: “I parked up to eat it, and that’s when I discovered my Big Mac was just a sad, squished bun containing a couple of burgers that didn’t taste particularly meaty.

“The plastic cheese completely bypassed my taste buds, and even the lettuce felt a bit synthetic. The secret sauce definitely wasn’t as amazing as I remembered. It’s just mayo and gherkins, really.

“Suddenly I remembered why I hadn’t had a McDonald’s for years, and began to weep tears of disappointment in my Ford Focus. But the fries were alright.”

Believing it would be a landmark occasion he would treasure for life, Logan splashed out on several sides, but admitted the Mozzarella Dippers were ‘actually quite gross’.

He added: “It was a kick in the teeth but I’m getting over it. I’m doing KFC tomorrow. There’s no chance that will turn out just to be cheap, greasy, unappetising chicken.”