COULD Tom Cruise scale the Burj Khalifa wearing digital gloves? Of course he f**king couldn’t, but it’s no less believable than these things we simply accept:
Every criminal or unjustly accused fugitive who holes up in a motel flicks on the TV to find it’s displaying a news report about them. And do they watch it, hoping to find out what leads the police have to evade them for longer? No. The dickheads turn it straight off.
Your PC struggles to play a 720HP video on YouTube and always needs to update Adobe. Movie computers can zoom in on the hitherto unnoticed car in the background of a CCTV clip, then on the licence plate, then enhances that to reveal a reflection of the killer’s face, then enhances that to reveal the missing apostrophe on his neck tattoo.
Conversation in nightclubs
Nobody in a movie nightclub has to raise their voice, let alone drunkenly shout directly into someone’s ear while the other person pretends to hear what they’ve said, laughs, nods their head then sips their drink awkwardly while avoiding eye contact in case it was a question.
How do you end a phone call? By saying ‘bye’ repeatedly, yeah? Even a conversation with an anonymous call centre operative ends politely, unlike any movie conversation which ends with the caller hanging up the moment they’ve finished talking. It’s an approach that could pay real dividends in life, especially when your mum phones.
No-one ever has to hunt for a parking space. They pull into a handy space right outside their destination, and no-one ever gets given a ticket either. The Fast and Furious films should be 90 per cent Vin Diesel circling the block saying ‘Are they going back to the car? Shit, that Kia’s got in before us.’
Nobody ever looks like shit
The protagonist makes a last-minute dash to his true love, and she opens the door and looks great. The hero’s been living in a shack in the woods for six years and he looks Hoxton-ready. Even when near-death, nobody looks as terrible as you do on an average weekday morning.