Son laughs as father plays him Stone Roses album

A 45-YEAR-OLD man was laughed at when he tried to explain The Stone Roses to his son.

Following rumours of a new album from the band, Stephen Malley excitedly played The Stone Roses’s debut record to his 13-year-old son Jason, who found it to be hilariously poor.

When his father explained that no, the clumsy turntable device was not malfunctioning, Jason emitted a sustained belly laugh, only stopping when Malley insisted he would have to play She Bangs The Drums again so he could hear it properly.

Malley said: “I told him Ian Brown was a god to us and that we flocked in our thousands to Spike Island. He looked at me like I was a member of some fourth century sub-pagan sect who gathered in a field to worship a gourd.

“He said something about their pitiful narcissistic tendencies which I must admit made me rethink a bit my theory about how superior my generation is to his.

“I told him this was one of the great dance/rock crossover albums. He then challenged me to dance to I Am the Resurrection and I did a sort of shuffling jig.

“Then I took off the record and stormed upstairs to my room.”

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Osborne's words obscured by desire to punch him in face

GEORGE Osborne has said some things but you are more interested in what it would feel like to belt him, it has emerged.

The chancellor has unveiled a raft of taxes on things, various cuts to other things and some spending on something or other, none of which seemed as relevant as his evil little face.

31-year-old carpet fitter Martin Bishop said: “I think he said something about fags, but I’m not sure because I was imagining him stumbling into me in the pub and then making a sarcastic comment about my hat so that I have a legitimate reason to hit him in the face.

“And then I hit him in the face.”

Broadband installer Julian Cook agreed: “I would never clout anyone without provocation but with Osborne I would only need a very small amount of provocation.

“Did he just mention something about pensions? Sorry, I was trying my best to concentrate.”

He added: “Look at his fucking hair.”