THE past three years have been a decadent boom era that must now end, the chancellor has declared.
George Osborne said that the 2013-2016 ‘Era of Plenty’, which according to official records being amended today began on April 16th 2013, are over because of our own greed.
He continued: “We have all spent the last three years dressed in designer labels, gorging in Michelin-starred restaurants, splashing out thousands on high-end electronic goods we didn’t even know how to use.
“It was like The Great Gatsby. But that’s all gone now. Wages are going down, inflation’s going right up, and God help you if you squandered your opportunity to buy a house.
“Still, we all enjoyed ourselves, didn’t we? We’ll always have those memories.”
Helen Archer of Coventry said: “I wish I’d known at the time these were the good years, then I would’ve bought a new Mini instead of a 12-year-old Micra with a fucked gearbox.
“I did go large on a Big Mac meal in 2014, so I suppose that counts.”