Woman ends 20-year attempt to like jazz

A MUSIC fan has finally admitted that jazz is bad.

Jane Thompson said that despite owning over 3,000 albums spanning genres from ‘electro-bongo’ to ‘Peruvian be-bop’, she has struggled to find a single recording of jazz that did not make her angry.

Thompson said: “I worried that I was musically thick and that’s why I didn’t get the apparently-random squeaks and farts. I tried smoking weed but that just made the jazz physically painful.

“After a fourth attempt to get all the way through Bitches Brew I had an epiphany that I didn’t need this in my life. I’m finally at peace with the fact that it’s rancid.”

She added: “I celebrated by putting on a few Beatles albums, with tunes and songs under three minutes and no-one doing solos just because they can. It was all brilliant, apart from the White Album.”

Thompson now runs a course for people coming to terms with jazz deafness, which attempts to shift the blame from the listener to the performer.

Course graduate Roy Hobbs said: “I am good. Jazz is bad.”