Woman never realised musicals were that shit

A WOMAN who had never been to a musical before had no idea they were quite so awful, she has admitted.

Eleanor Shaw of Birmingham visited Billy Elliot The Musical with friends expecting to enjoy it, and instead suffering one of the most tedious ordeals of her life.

She said: “They sing the story at you. It’s really weird. Like if suddenly everyone started singing about changing the ink cartridge in the printer while dancing around the office.

“They really spell it out, too. If there was an Alien musical Ripley would be belting out ‘I am Ripley, here on the Nostromo/ Deep in space, on my way home-oh.’

“The oddest thing is that I can’t remember a single one of the songs. Maybe they wipe your memory on the way out so you don’t remember how crap it was and tell your friends to go.”

West End impresario Mary Fisher said: “Eleanor has unfortunately stumbled upon our little secret that musicals are for people who don’t like music and Japanese tourists ticking off things to do.

“We can’t let that become public knowledge. We’ll have to jack up ticket prices.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Agony Aunt: Dear Boris, Under no circumstances should you call someone a 'fannybadger'