Banks Fucked

BANKS in the UK were fucked yesterday, after a landmark court ruling.

'Have you heard how fucked the banks are?'

A High Court judge said the Office of Fair Trading can now take a good, long run-up at the banks and fuck them into the middle of next week.

Coming hard on the heels of the sub-prime loan crisis, the industry is now bracing itself for a shafting of absolutely humongous proportions.

Mr Justice Smith stressed his judgement did not necessarily mean the banks deserved to be fucked, but warned that a comprehensive humping was all but inevitable.

Julian Cook, an analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "Remember that bit in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big, baldy German guy is punching Indiana Jones and then turns round to see the propellers coming straight towards him? That's how fucked they are."

Meanwhile, millions of account holders are looking forward to playing their part in fucking the banks.

Tom Logan, a sales executive from Lincoln, said: "They've been charging me £35 every time I go 20p overdrawn and then using my money to buy peice-of-shit American mortgages.

"There are simply no words to describe how much I am going to enjoy fucking them."

Bank chief executives last night demanded an urgent meeting with the chancellor to ask if there is anything he can do to prevent the imminent fuck-fest.

A Treasury spokesman said: "Holy shit, they're even more fucked than us."