BBC licence to be replaced by Poldark stud fees

THE BBC’s new funding plan is based on hiring out Poldark for breeding purposes.

The corporation admitted the licence fee is outdated, but stressed that handsome swarthy babies will never go out of fashion and you could have one for a ‘low six-figure fee’.

A spokesman said: “He is our prize bull. We have a Poldark insemination pen built by one of the vets off Countryfile.

“If this works we have a lot of other hot actors to use as breeding stock, including those who fucked off to ITV without reading the small print.”

Office manager Helen Archer said: “I would love a little Poldark baby and my husband is fine as we could lease it out for costume dramas.

“I would want the service to include 10 minutes’ of chit chat about a topical news story.”