Boss into company loyalty buggers off for more money

A MANAGER who kept talking about company loyalty has left without hesitation for more cash.

Despite spending years praising marketing company HLJ and its staff, middle manager Roy Hobbs unexpectedly left on Friday without appearing remotely concerned.

Co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “Roy was always saying how great the company was and organising joyless, time-consuming activities like rounders and juggling workshops.

“Over the years he’s claimed the company really looks after you, that he’s made some amazing friends here and we’re like a big family. He made it sound like Hogwarts with pay.

“But when Roy came in on Friday and said he’d got a better job he hadn’t told anyone about then left without saying goodbye.

“Promoting loyalty was just his way of making us work hard without asking for more money. I almost respect his soulless cunning.”

Hobbs said: “I’m gutted to have left such a great company, I loved the people although their individual names now escape me. If it wasn’t for my new company BMW and other perks I’d probably have to go to the doctor for some pills.

“Luckily my new employer is great and really rewards loyalty. I’ve already made some amazing friends there. We’re like a big family.”

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Woman still thinks Blair Witch Project is real

A WOMAN firmly believes The Blair Witch Project is a factual account of real events, it has emerged.

Sales executive Nikki Hollis thinks the film is true even though there has been extensive publicity about its clever marketing, two sequels and evil ghost witches do not exist.

Hollis said: “The Blair Witch documentary completely terrified me. They shouldn’t have shown a triple supernatural murder in cinemas as entertainment, it’s sick.

“It must be terrible for her Heather’s, knowing she’s either dead or being held prisoner in the woods by a witch.

“It was definitely genuine because a made-up film wouldn’t have had hours of people wandering around doing nothing and all those boring shots of trees.

“I’ve agreed to see the follow-up investigation at the Odeon with my boyfriend, but obviously they didn’t find them because it would have been on the news by now.

“I’m just hoping it won’t somehow make the witch come after me for dabbling in the occult, like how there’s a 12 per cent chance of a ghost coming out of your telly when you watch Ring.”

Boyfriend Tom Logan said: “She did think War Horse was a real horse who had a very eventful life.”