EMPLOYEES have responded to an innovative office hot desking policy by developing fierce territorial instincts.
LMG’s London head office introduced the system to increase collaborative working but instead created a type of cold war.
Carolyn Ryan of HR said: “These are HR desks. There may not be any sign that these are HR desks, and at introductory briefings given by HR we may vehemently deny there is any such thing, but they fucking are.
“I need to be with my HR girls. We have HR stuff to discuss, like which executive has the most sexual harassment charges against them.
“I spend 30 minutes every morning setting up all my personal stuff like framed photos, but it’s worth it to stop bottom feeders from regional offices thinking they can have my place.”
Marketing manager Joseph Turner agreed: “One of us remains standing all day like a meerkat, to spot any approaching predators with designs on our window desks.
“If anyone gets too close, we hiss and puff ourselves out menacingly before questioning them aggressively about the company’s brand values.”