DO you want to make money without having anything of actual merit to sell? Try flogging these toys to gullible kids:
LOL Surprise eggs
Kids will get excited about any old shit when packaged in a lurid plastic egg covered in sparkly shink-wrapping and, crucially, they don’t know what it is. Encourage gambling and demand by getting kids to make YouTube videos excitedly ‘unboxing’ them, in a vicious circle from hell.
Something shit and old, repackaged
Remember bath salts, those bog-standard crystals your granny used to swear by? Buy them in bulk, repackage them as ‘Magic Fairy Crystals’ and charge £3 per tiny pack emblazoned with a Disney character’s face. You’ll rake it in until the copyright infringement lawyers come knocking.
Slime is cheap to make and kids literally beg for it. Parents hate it because it sucks up dirt, lint, crumbs and pet hair with the intensity of a black hole and then transfers it all over the house. The kids will win because they have the immense consumer power of throwing a tantrum in Sainsbury’s.
A cuddly toy with huge, cute eyes
It can be disgusting in every conceivable respect, but if a cuddly toy has eyes so big that, if real, it could see 40 miles in the pitch dark, children will immediately fall in love with it. It doesn’t matter that such a creature would be anatomically impossible. They don’t care.
Mind-numbingly basic ‘make your own’ kit
Chuck a few felt tips and a large pebble in a box and sell it as a ‘Make Your Own Pet Rock’ kit. After all, it’s not just kids that are stupid: parents will shell out for any old shit if it will allow them to have a pee and a scroll through their phone in peace once in a while.