Hard drive manufacturer sends you Valentine's email

THE manufacturer of your backup hard drive has sent you a special love-themed offer for Valentine’s Day. 

The email, with the subject line ‘We’ve got a crush on you!’ offers the chance to buy a new portable backup hard drive and get a stylish free case apparently perfect for ‘lovers on the go’. 

Customer Norman Steele said: “I had honestly never previously connected keeping a secure archive of personal data with the dizzying feeling of falling in love for the first time. Maybe it’s just me.

“But then my last girlfriend did say I took her for granted and didn’t try to make her feel special, and that is how I treat my current two-terabyte hard drive. So I guess I’m just not the romantic type.” 

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General Flynn says tearful ‘do svidanya’ to White House comrades

FIRED Trump adviser General Michael Flynn has put on his fur hat, taken a final shot of vodka and wished his White House comrades do svidanya. 

The official, who has been fired in order to create the illusion that the Trump administration is not following Putin’s orders, admitted he returns to the motherland with regrets. 

He continued: “It is for the good of the Slavic peoples, I understand, but I had at least hoped to see out a whole five-year plan. 

“To go now, before our pincer movement crushes Europe, is hard but I know that the individual must sacrifice himself for the collective good. They drummed that into us back at KGB school on Michurinsky Prospekt. 

“Come, comrades, let us down our Stolinychas and smash our glasses in the Oval Office fireplace one last time. Vashe zdorovie! 

“I will be back at the head of a fleet of tanks soon, I promise! Death to USA!”