Identity of mystery Virgin tycoon revealed

THE reclusive tycoon at head of the Virgin corporation has been revealed as ‘Richard Branson’.

For over 40 years, the Howard Hughes-like figure at the heart of this enterprise has jealously guarded his identity with only one photograph of him known to exist.

Julian Cook, the investigative journalist who tracked down the billionaire, said: “It seems Branson wanted products such as Virgin Cola, Virgin condoms and Virgin Supersaver Economy Returns To Mars to stand or fall by their own merits.

“He is not the sort of man who would attach his bearded, grinning countenance to every Virgin campaign in the belief that this would make him come across as some sort of hero of the people.

“Appearing in every commercial involving his products as if he were personally beloved, rather than reluctantly tolerated, would be sheer anathema to this deeply private man.”

Cook added: “He wants only to be left in peace so he can dedicate himself to looking at something someone else has done, then do something very similar but with ‘Virgin’ in front of it.”

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FIFA’s ball confiscated

THE ball used for the World Cup has been confiscated.

Police investigating corruption charges swooped on FIFA officials in a Zurich hotel, arresting them and taking their ball to lock away in a cupboard.

A Swiss police spokesman said: “They can have it back when it’s all cleared up.

“We’re not stealing it or anything. Frankly we’re not even into football.”

A FIFA spokesman said: “Without a ball, international football cannot continue. It seems like they’re punishing everyone which is hardly fair.

“They should have let us keep the ball while all this is sorted out.

“If we find out they’ve been using it at lunchtimes there will be consequences.”

Football fan Stephen Malley said: “It’ll be impossible for FIFA to borrow a replacement ball because once you’ve had one confiscated, whether through punting it into an old lady’s garden or because of a massive international corruption scandal, nobody trusts you.

“I’m not lending them mine, it’s a good one I bought out of a catalogue.”