ANDY Coulson’s completely obvious involvement in phone hacking prompted his trial jury to ask if they could find him more than guilty.
The former chief stalker at the News of the World was found guilty of conspiring to intercept phone messages after the judge turned down requests to find him ‘super-guilty’, ‘ultra-guilty’ and ‘so-fucking-guilty’.
After resigning from the tabloid, Coulson became David Cameron’s spin doctor because the Tory leader liked his dodgy face and his experience of working for an organisation that feasted on human souls.
A Downing Street spokesman said: “The prime minister is profoundly sorry that Andy got caught.”
Meanwhile, the jury found Rebekah Brooks not guilty of phone hacking when she was News of the World editor, prompting experts to conclude that she must have been rubbish at her job.
Brooks and her husband Charlie are now expected to launch a line of hand-stitched leather folders for concealing high-quality lesbian erotica.