Man messes Amazon driver around by getting to the door in time

AN inconsiderate arsehole took delivery of an Amazon parcel instead of allowing the delivery man to run off after one knock, it has emerged.

Tom Logan selfishly rushed to the door to sign for his delivery of two books and a new computer mouse without giving a shit about delivery driver Nathan Muir’s busy schedule.

Office worker Logan said: “The delivery guy was trotting away when I opened the door but luckily I caught him and quickly signed for my stuff. It must be a tough job so I didn’t want to delay him.”

However delivery driver Nathan Muir said: “I could not fucking believe it. I’d knocked once and was sprinting away when some entitled prick appeared at the door looking pleased as punch.

“Mr Timewasting Bastard then insisted on signing for the things he’d paid money for and tried to engage me in some long conversation about ‘Thank you, cheers’. Tell me your fucking life story, why not?

“The pompous twat didn’t seem to realise my job is to put the parcel back in the van and leave it at the Royal Mail office 10 miles away with all the other rubbish.

“I suppose he’d like me to shove it in a hedge or leave it in the street where it can easily be stolen, which I only do 50 per cent of the time. I’m a professional.”

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Husband can't wait to hear latest thrilling twists and turns in saga of wife's office

A MAN cannot wait for his wife to update him on the latest gripping events in the ongoing saga of what’s happened in her office.

Stephen Malley insists wife Kerry begins revealing the latest developments as soon as she comes in, comparing the unpredictable tale to Game of Thrones or Bodyguard.

He said: “Has Linda actually filed that complaint? Did Matt steal Gerald’s chair, even though he knew it had been specially adjusted for him by facilities? And what of Donna’s flexitime?

“I spend most of the day thinking about it – my office is boring, nothing like as colourful and dramatic as hers – and then I’m on the edge of my seat as she reveals the latest twist.

“Who could’ve possibly imagined that Gill would overhear what Jackie said to James about the performance review? Why did Heather refuse to change the printer ink? Was Leanne really at the dentist?

“Try as I might, I can never see what’s coming. I mean the whole thing about Linda’s soy milk being left out of the fridge, who could have guessed? And what next?”

Wife Kerry said: “Some women’s husbands aren’t interested in what happens at their work. But not every woman has a workplace as wild as mine.”