Pigs forced to change name and appearance by Percy Pigs

THE animals formerly known as pigs have been legally compelled to change their name and appearance by supreme litigators Percy Pigs. 

The case went to court after Percy Pigs, which had already shut down a gelato parlour, three rival sweet brands and a children’s puppeteer that week, discovered the millions of animals brazenly violating their established copyright.

A legal representative said: “Pigs, otherwise known as swine, hogs or sus domesticus, have 90 days to submit a new design which does not wantonly misuse the Percy likeness and brand.

“This is the cutthroat reality of children’s confectionery. There’s always someone trying it on, whether a five-year-old drawing stories issued a cease-and-desist order or a species of 784 million being farmed worldwide.

“The media paints Percy as the litigator, but we are very much the underdog. Enough is enough. Today’s the day we bring the trotters down.

“No one even wanted these ‘pigs’ before they took the name. And look at how they’ve reaped the rewards – cushy lives in factory farms, the general public palmed off with cheap imitations of the real thing that don’t even taste of strawberry.”

A spokesman for pigs said: “Call us after pork, ham or bacon instead. Since that’s all we’re good for to you f**king people.”

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The five most irritating holiday photos you're forced to like on Instagram

ON holiday, are you? Sharing the joy with friends back home who grit their teeth and post an amazed emoji at this predictable bullshit? 

Ticket photos

A holiday to LA? Genuinely impressive. What’s less awe-inspiring is a shot of your hand holding boarding passes, because that’s mere admin. The price is always obscured because that would be boasting, whereas there’s a quiet dignity in sharing that you’ll be trapped in economy for 11 hours.

The view from the plane window

Interesting photographs have people and places in them. This has neither, whether it’s the tarmac of runway 08R/26L at Gatwick airport or the blue of any bit of sky. It’s essentially an ‘IN TRANSIT’ sign like when you check on a parcel. Still you’ll get friends insincerely giving it the thumbs-up.

A candid of the gorgeous weather

Cloudless blue skies and stunning sunsets are enjoyable if you’re there to witness them in person. Otherwise they’re a reminder that the sender is there and the receiver is in overcast, cold Britain and lunch will be a sandwich that tastes of fridge and overpriced crisps. Likes are low on this one.

Meal after meal after sodding meal

Photos of food are tiresome enough in this country, where you at least in theory could go to the place. Holiday meals are doubly smug because they not only look appetising, they’re sunlit and posted at fun times like 11am and 3pm when you’re morosely chewing a Twix. Your comment of ‘Mmm’ comes from a place of pure hatred.

Anything involving landmarks

Landmarks have been done. They have been photographed. There is no danger of them being forgotten. Your mate doesn’t give a shit about their cultural significance anyway. Selfies with Angkor Wat or the Leaning Tower of Pisa are being banked for their Tinder profiles for later luring an underwhelming shag. You add an amazed emoji.