Monday, 19th April 2021

Ronald McDonald and four other creepy as shit mascots

COMPANIES seem to think that weird, disturbing mascots will make you buy their products, and sadly they may be right. Here are some we’d prefer they hadn’t come up with, though.

Ronald McDonald

There’s nothing more likely to make people crave an underwhelming burger and chips than a garish clown resembling Mick Hucknall in striped tights, right? Surely the only reason for inventing this horror film character was to scare children into stress-eating burgers.

The meerkats

A brilliantly whimsical and postmodern concept to flog an insurance price comparison website, or just a very shit pun? Who cares – despite the detailed fictional universe of Sergei et al, they still look like manky, possibly diseased, vermin. If you found one in your kitchen you’d call Rentokil.

The Jolly Green Giant

A massive green mutant who wears tunics made of leaves seems more like a Marvel character than the creation of a company trying to sell you tinned corn. Perhaps his most horrifying feature though is how dangerously short his loin cloth is. Imagine his jolly green giant penis.

Andrex Puppy

While the Andrex Puppy was cute, the ad had a sinister subtext. As they were trying to sell toilet paper by implying it was as soft as a puppy’s fur, it became impossible to shake the idea that somebody had at some point wiped themselves using the puppy to test this. Especially after someone had exactly that thought and did a TV sketch about it. 

Honey Monster

It beggars belief that a cereal company thought the best way to market their product was by using a sort of ripped Furby with a substance dependence on honey. Their ads typically feature the Honey Monster behaving like a junkie trying to score his next bowl of cereal, so maybe there are un-broadcast ones showing him shoplifting to get his next fix, or worse.