TIRED of wrestling with your less-expensive direct debit? Why not upgrade to a pre-payment meter we’ll even install for you? Don’t make us ask twice. You’ll regret it.
It’s easy to set up
Direct debits take a couple of clicks to set up, which is a right faff. Meanwhile pre-payment meters are a doddle. No need to arrange a date or time, or even unlock your front door. We’ll rock up when we want, force our way in and do all the hard work for you. You’ll be paying more for less in no time.
No more overspending
Dreading the next envelope with ‘British Gas’ written on it in big scary letters dropping through your letterbox? Put that fear behind you with a pre-payment meter. Thanks to the top-up card you’ll only buy the energy you can afford, then spend the rest of your time sitting in the dark and cold with no power. It’s good for the environment, too.
We’ll leave you alone afterwards
Look, once we’ve broken in and installed your pre-payment meter, you won’t hear from us again, capeesh? And that’s all you really want, no more pestering letters, no more reminder emails. Just lovely peace and quiet. And that’s what you’ll get if you just f**king let us in for five minutes, so open up already, you little scrote.
More money for us
God, those Shell profits are outrageous, aren’t they? Especially with the cost-of-living crisis going on. Do your bit to eat into their earnings by switching to us instead and setting up a pre-payment meter. You won’t see any benefit, but at least you aren’t propping up one energy firm in favour of another. So come on, let us in. Now.
We know where you live
Right, you can have a pre-payment meter the easy way or the hard way. The latter involves crowbars and gets pretty ugly and you don’t want that. We’ve got ways of making you sign up to them, but just agree to it and nobody gets hurt. Otherwise we’ll do it when you’re out because we know where you live. And where your kids go to school. But hopefully it won’t come to that.