Thursday, 13th May 2021

Use our shitty website which doesn't work to save us money, says train company

A TRAIN company is sick of passengers wanting it to employ real people when they could just go on its completely useless website.

InterMidland Trains feels its impenetrable website more than makes up for it not having enough staff to answer annoying questions like when the trains leave and where they go to.

A spokesman said: “All the information you need to plan a journey is on our website, so long as you’ve got an afternoon to spare and like doing online puzzles.

“Yes, many of the departure times and prices are strangely ‘hidden away’ by the confusing layout and cryptic fares system, but frankly we don’t want customers who are quitters.

“There's no information about cancelled trains because you’ll find out soon enough when you turn up to get on them. What next, d’you want us to wipe your arses for you?”

Passenger Tom Logan said: “I love going on journeys where I’m not sure what my connections are or if I’ll be booted off the train for having the wrong ticket. It’s like an adventure.

“In fairness, InterMidland’s website is as good as the rest of its crappy service. And I mean ‘crappy’ literally. They really should fix the toilets so they don’t get ‘full’.”