BRITAIN was trapped in a ‘death spiral’ of infinite complaints last night.
Your opinion about his opinions is the most important thing in the world
The vortex of indignation began just after 7pm when Jeremy Clarkson, the country’s highest ranking oaf, presented, without a hint of irony, his detailed plan to shoot public sector workers in front of their families.
Within moments Tony Parsons, the official Left-Wing Clarkson, said people who criticise public sector workers were Nazis while, John Prescott, the former Lord High Oaf, said his successor was guilty of a ‘hate crime’.
In turn Parsons was accused of outrageous anti-Semitism while Prescott was forced to deny being deputy leader of the Khmer Rouge during the 1970s.
Seconds later the country was straining at the limits of its 140 character allowance in a bid to react to the reaction reactions in a way that was guaranteed to provoke a reaction.
Bill McKay said: “People who compare strike critics to Nazis should be gassed and cremated as part of a huge, secret plan to wipe out Nazi-comparers.”
Helen Archer said: “Anyone who thinks Nazi-comparers should be gassed is worse than Jeffrey Dahmer and should be raped in prison three times a day.”
Nikki Hollis said: “People who say Nazi-comparers are worse than Jeffrey Dahmer want to rip my mother’s heart out, eat it and puke it into a bucket which they…[new tweet] …will then use to paint the front of my house.”
Meanwhile Tom Logan, who suggested that Clarkson’s original comment was, perhaps, an advert for a DVD, was accused of being a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
Logan also suggested that instead of reacting to Clarkson reaction reactions we should, perhaps, come up with some stuff we can sell to foreigners before we all end up busking in front of each other.
His house was then burned to the ground.
Last night a spokesman for the United Nations said: “Britain needs to go fuck itself in the face.”