'Angry cat' commits suicide

AN angry-looking cat who became an internet sensation was suffering from severe depression.

Three-year-old Rags became a Youtube hit thanks to his hangdog facial expression.

However the cat was actually going through some serious psychological shit, and died yesterday after jumping off a bridge.

Owner Tom Logan said: “I guess he looked that way for a reason.”



Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Rory McIlroy 'was psyching himself up in bathroom mirror'

RYDER Cup hero Rory McIlroy was almost late for his match because he was in the middle of an intense, bathroom mirror psyche-up.

With minutes to spare before his tee-off time, panicked European team officials broke down McIlroy’s hotel room door to find the world number one announcing: “Ladies and Gentleman, please put your hands together for the Jesus H Christ of Golf!”

Hacking their way into the bathroom, they found the Northern Irishman millimetres away from the mirror screaming: “I’ll fuck anything that moves!

“Do it! Do it! Do it!”

He was then dragged into a waiting car, while demanding they take him back to the mirror so that he could call himself a ‘a sabre-toothed putting machine’.