ONLYFANS star Bonnie Blue is allegedly pregnant, but who will come forward to claim paternity? Find out if it’s you:
How did you meet Bonnie Blue?
A) On the apps. I can’t believe we matched. Judging by all the sexy pics on her profile I thought she’d be really picky.
B) I queued up with hundreds of other men in a warehouse for a very brief physical interaction. It was the most female contact I’ve ever had.
When did this happen?
A) A couple of months ago. Things didn’t work out between us, but I admit I’ve thought about texting to see if she’s up for trying again.
B) On January 12th, 2025. You can see the clips of it on social media. She might be pregnant from then, I don’t know how pregnancy works, I’m a man.
Did you have sex?
A) No comment. Bonnie seemed a shy, private woman who would not want the sordid details of her personal life splashed across the internet. But yes.
B) Eventually, after standing in line for two hours behind all the other sweaty blokes. When she finally said ‘next’? The hottest sexual experience of my life.
Which positions did you do?
A) Standard missionary. I didn’t want to try anything too extreme and scare her off with my greater experience.
B) What’s it called where you awkwardly hump someone for half a minute as the ring light bounces off their dead eyes? That one.
Did you wear a condom?
A) Of course. Bonnie is a sweet, innocent woman, whereas I have a body count of five. Rolling one on was a basic courtesy.
B) No, I’ve heard you can’t feel anything. Also it’s the woman’s responsibility. Also I don’t know how to put one on.
ANSWERS
Mostly As: The dates line up and condoms are only 98 per cent effective, so you’re likely to have sired Bonnie Jr. Don’t be scared though. Fatherhood might seem intimidating, but explaining mum’s career choices to your child will be really rewarding too.
Mostly Bs: Impossible to tell. You might have unwisely busted inside Bonnie Blue without any protection, but so did hundreds of others. Avoid uploading your DNA anywhere and for f**k’s sake stop telling everyone.
