Britain overjoyed by union of buttocks

BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton’s left and right buttocks.

Experts say that without pants on they might look like this

What began as a expensive and tedious royal wedding was elevated by the Duchess of Cambridge’s attractive sister to what many experts are describing as ‘the bottom event of the century’.

Teacher Martin Bishop said: “You only had to look at those two, happy young buttocks to see they were meant to be together.

“I don’t normally get emotional about weddings, but Pippa’s perfect meat pillows of joy actually brought tears to my eyes and also made me do a bit of dribble.

“I have no doubt those cheeks smell of high grade pot pourri and taste like the most expensive cherries that Waitrose can muster.”

He added: “Indeed, I became so overwhelmed by their majestic spectacle that I had to excuse myself from the lounge and spend ten minutes alone in the spare bedroom, contemplating their splendour in a suitably humble kneeling position with the door locked from the inside.”

Father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “It’s really wonderful that the world still has a Middleton sister about whom it is fine to have frenzied masturbatory fantasies without offending the memory of the Queen Mother.

“Pippa really is the perfect woman, at least for a fairly unimaginative man like myself.”

Royal pundit Nikki Hollis said: “It’s quite an acheivement to stand out as the most perfect arse at an event attended by Prince Philip, George Osborne and Ben Fogle.”