AFTER a convoluted incident in which a security guard made a child cry near singer Chappell Roan, it may be your duty to hate her now. Or it may not. Let’s examine this important event.
The fateful incident
While in a hotel in Brazil for the Lollapalooza festival, Roan was spotted by an 11-year-old fan, who smiled at her. However a security guard intervened and berated her parents for ‘harassing’ the singer, leaving the child in tears. Does this mean Roan is evil? We can certainly suggest that.
Roan’s counterclaim
Roan pointed out that that the bodyguard was not her personal security, she did not speak to him, and was unaware of the child or the incident. Is this a truthful account of events, or did she actually say ‘Make that little girl cry because I am crazed with power after the success of Pink Pony Club’? Perhaps we will never know.
The upset child was Jude Law’s
In a bizarre twist that defies explanation, the child, Ada, is the daughter of Jude Law, who is no longer with her mother, singer Catherine Harding. The involvement of a titan of cinema like Jude, who has appeared in such iconic films as Captain Marvel, Shopping and Peter Pan & Wendy, obviously makes the incident magnitudes worse.
The role of the Premier League
Ada’s stepfather is Brazilian footballer and former Chelsea midfielder Jorginho. Coincidence? Yes.
The shadowy security guard
Bodyguard Pascal Duvier quickly identified himself and categorically stated he had not acted on behalf of Roan. This would seem to confirm her story, although it could be a conspiracy to protect her image, with ‘fall guy’ Duvier paid off to take the blame. If this is true, the similarities with Watergate are uncanny.
Duvier was actually protecting Sabrina Carpenter
Another mindblowing twist. A majority of the population (Sabrina’s fans + men) agree Sabrina is lovely and must be protected at all costs, even if it means terrifying an 11-year-old girl. This does not apply to Roan, who looks like an annoying goth you knew in the sixth-form.
Roan’s past crimes
The controversy prompted the Daily Mail to look for evidence of previous diva behaviour by the singer. What they found is horrific: she once shouted at a photographer and made several posts criticising ‘creepy’ fan behaviour. With such a volume of damning evidence against her, it’s clear that Roan instigated the whole thing and probably visits school playgrounds to laugh at unpopular children being bullied.
Conclusion
In the final analysis it appears Roan has been a bit whiny about her privacy but had almost nothing to do with the incident. But that doesn’t put her in the clear. You should hate her anyway because someone needs to pay for all the time you’ve wasted following this bollocks non-story. Sorry, Chappell.
