Difference between working and non-working Royal impossible to tell with naked eye

A MAN looking at photos of Prince Harry at a Ukraine gala and Prince William at a charity ball cannot for the life of him tell which is the genuine working Royal.

Julian Cook of Ludlow knows full well that Prince William is the heir to the throne, beloved of his people and would never betray the monarchy like his apostate brother, but was disconcerted at how little substantive difference there was between the two.

He said: “Harry made a surprise appearance in black tie at the United For Freedom event at the Imperial War Museum. Meanwhile William appeared virtually at the Bowelbabe Fund Rebel Ball. The only difference I can tell is Harry actually turned up.

“In terms of bringing vital attention to their causes, raising funds to help others and using their celebrity for good, they seem identical. And looking at pictures you can’t actually see any difference at all. In fact Harry looks more Royal because he’s in a tux.

“We can’t continue like this as a nation, unable to tell which is the genuine working Royal blessing us with their saintly presence and which is a rogue Royal only doing it for their own self-serving ends.

“I suggest Harry should have to wear a placard saying ‘unclean’ and ring a bell and his wife should be tarred and feathered. That should eliminate any confusion.”

Prince William said: “I fully back this decision. And I’d actually come along to see it happen. Physically, not just a pre-record.”

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Thanks for f**king up our only good show, BBC tells Richard E Grant

THE BBC has sarcastically laid into Richard E Grant for ruining their only show that people actually watch.

Having trashed the premise of The Celebrity Traitors within minutes by blowing his cover, Richard E Grant has been torn a new one by the BBC for spoiling their one and only programme the public genuinely enjoys.

The BBC said: “There goes months of hype and speculation down the toilet, and we were barely an episode in. Cheers for that.

“We needed this. With Doctor Who off the air and Josh Widdicombe repelling audiences on Strictly, a bunch of celebs and King Kenny dicking about in a castle was all we had. Until you came along with your four-dimensional chess bullshit.

“You could’ve laughed off your revelation as a dumb joke, but no, you tripled down on it with your posho laugh. Pity the poor editors who somehow have to make the next round table look suspenseful as everyone goes ‘it’s obviously Richard’.

“Any bright ideas on how we can salvage this? Actually, forget it. You’ll probably suggest we put on a repeat of The Good Life or blow up Broadcasting House.”