CELEBRITY deaths are always a sad event, unless they’re one of these famous people you’re amazed haven’t popped their clogs yet.
That kid from The Sixth Sense
He was everywhere 30 years ago, in Forrest Gump and A.I and possibly even some good films too. A young actor of that calibre would surely still be on the big screen if he were alive, wouldn’t he? Well he is. You’d subconsciously written him off as an OD or similar, although that might have been preferable to Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
John Cleese
You know some of the Pythons are already dead, but has Cleese shuffled off this mortal coil? Palin’s definitely still around because he still pops up on chat shows, whereas the Fawlty Towers star doesn’t even appear in shit like Rat Race anymore. Oh hang on, he’s on GB News droning on about ‘cancel culture’. Phew, that’s a relief.
The Pope
Even a freshly-appointed pope doesn’t look like they’ve got many years left in the tank. Once the church chooses the next one you’ll take one look at them and be amazed when they’re still not dead years later. The Vatican really needs to hire a hip young Pope to attract modern young people who believe in demons and don’t like sex.
James Earl Jones
Disney’s got other people to do the voice of Darth Vader in crap Star Wars spin-offs, so this respected actor is probably dead, right? Nope, he’s not become a Force ghost yet, he’s alive and well. However Green Cross Code Man David Prowse died quite recently, sadly, after a lifetime of wishing Lord Vader had had a Somerset accent.
The Cheeky Girls
You dimly recall that one of the Romanian singing duo was engaged to Lib Dem MP and superlative twat Lembit Opik, but what about the other one? Did she meet her doom at the hands of one-hit-wonder stardom and excess? That would explain why the other twin’s career never reached the dizzying heights of ‘Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)’. Only death could stop that raw talent.
