DO you have a crush on a dude that makes you question your own sanity? Here are five especially weird people ladies apparently jod one off to:
Depp hasn’t been hot since his first turn as Captain Jack Sparrow, and even then he looked like he f**king stank. If you ran into him on the street you’d mistake him for an ageing squatter with ringworm, and that was before the court case about his domestic cycle of heavy drinking and shitted beds.
Twinkling, blue-eyed baker Paul Hollywood has the vibe of a wine bar owner who’d eject you for mistaking a Chablis for a Chardonnay. So utterly full of himself it’s a wonder he can choke down baked goods, anyone who wants ‘the Hollywood’ haven’t considered how it would feel like to be offered his signature handshake post-coitally.
Because women hate themselves, legions of them claim to have a thing for phone-hacking Meghan-loather Piers Morgan, who could look like an Adonis and still be a prize twat. Even countenancing a short fling with the man is surely a sign of a worrying drop in standards, nationwide.
Another talent show twat more interested in his own ego than the contestants, Cowell’s artificial face and fashion sense make wanting to shag him a devastating condemnation of your mental welfare. Do people enjoy the idea of being critiqued by a real bastard after sex? Why?
Whether you love the idea of snogging Nicola Sturgeon or being serenaded by blackface enthusiast Justin Trudeau, anyone who has a burning desire to go to bed with a public servant sincerely lacks imagination. Unless it’s JFK or someone legitimately hot. That’s fine.