Sunday, 16th May 2021

Got that f**king grouse though, says Philip

THE Duke of Edinburgh’s impulsive attempt to bag a ‘bloody cheeky’ grouse with his Land Rover was successful, he has confirmed.

Prince Philip was leaving the Sandringham estate when he spotted the grouse, which had earned his enmity by brazenly avoiding being shot earlier, and seized the opportunity to finish it.

He said: “A car’s not a gun. They handle very differently. But a sportsman uses whatever’s at hand.

“Saw the bugger sitting on a gatepost, and thought ‘I’m having you’. You don’t fuck with the Lord High Admiral of the Royal Navy and get away with it.

“Got the vehicle aimed, gunned the accelerator and went at it like a bloody bullet. Whoosh. Should’ve seen the expression on it as it saw me coming. Like the May woman on Tuesday night.

“Got it cold, then some cretinous peasant car was right in my way and took quite a hit. Still, happens to beaters every season and they never complain.

“Car’s a write-off. Grouse should be proud of itself. Normally only wreck it like that when I ram a stag.”