Unite behind me you twats, says May at cross-party talks

THE prime minister has asked the twat leaders of other parties she clearly despises to unite behind her and her Brexit deal immediately.

This morning at cross-party talks Theresa May attempted to bring the nation’s representatives together with barely disguised contempt and a torrent of colourful abuse.

May said: “Overwhelmingly the British people want us to get on with delivering Brexit, the dumb fucking clucks.

“So now you shower of wankers have made clear what you don’t want, we must all work together constructively, even though you are all useless tossers.

“Now is the time to put self-interest aside, for you dickheads. You have a duty to act in the national interest, so shut the fuck up and do what I say.  

“Never mind that I’ve spent years condescendingly ignoring your questions in parliament. Hey, Scottish woman, stop playing with the biscuits and pay attention.”

Lib Dem leader Vince Cable said: “Apparently I can shove my second referendum up my geriatric ballroom-dancing arse. Which is refreshing to hear.”