Man decides 10-pin bowling is 'just a laugh' after discovering he's shit at it

A MAN going 10-pin bowling suddenly began larking around after his first two bowls were hopelessly inaccurate, friends noticed.

Wayne Hayes began the evening with the seriousness of a bomb disposal expert but decided he would be treating it humorously when his first two attempts ended up in the gutter.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “On the way Wayne implied he was good at bowling, although he did keep getting confused and calling a strike a ‘smash’.

“However, when it became clear he’s got the coordination of a drunken toddler in an earthquake he said bowling was something no one takes seriously.

“At that point he started dicking around by taking a ridiculously long run-up or rolling the ball really slowly down the lane, then pretending to celebrate when he’d missed again.

“He also did impressions from The Big Lebowski, which made the whole experience far more painful than him just being rubbish at it.”

Hayes said: “I’m actually really good at bowling but I didn’t want to show the others up. Dude.

“It’s a shit game anyway.”

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Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es

A TEENAGER has won a place at a third-rate university with lower grades than any previous member of his family.

Despite recent concerns about low-grade students being excluded from higher education, Tom Logan got into Swindon Metropolitan University with just two deeply unimpressive Es.

He said: “It’s important to show that university isn’t just for posh kids with wealthy parents, it’s for ordinary people with shit A-levels like me.

“Technically I’m not the first of my family to have gone to university – my mum, dad, two sisters and quite a lot of other relatives did – but I’m the first to have done it with almost no aptitude for learning.

“I feel like I’m really breaking down boundaries. I hope other people read this and say, ‘Yes, I can study Textile Management and Child Psychology at a former poly too.’

“It can be a daunting experience to suddenly find yourself surrounded by privileged kids with Cs and Ds, but at the end of the day we’re all here to get stoned.”

Logan’s tutor Donna Sheridan said: “I can easily see Tom going on to great things, like working in an office.”