Sunday, 9th May 2021

I have never met Prince Andrew, says Queen

THE Queen has issued an official statement denying that she has ever met disgraced former trade envoy Prince Andrew. 

Her Majesty issued the statement after the arrest of one of Andrew’s friends and business associates, Ghislaine Maxwell, to ensure no genuine Royals were linked to the scandal. 

She said: “Though I am aware of the so-called ‘Duke of York’, a man of such proven bad character is not somebody a head of state can afford to be associated with. 

“While we have, from time to time, attended the same social events and weddings, I have always assiduously avoided any contact with him and we have certainly never spoken. 

“Some commentators have pointed out that, on a date in 1960, he exited my womb via my cervix. On that occasion I may have wished him well on his departure. 

“But I certainly had no part in his childhood. He attended a boarding school and I believe subsequently joined the army in an attempt to give direction to his aimless waste of a life.

“I join the nation in hoping that the US authorities are able to speak to him soon. And if I never hear about that ex of his Sarah Ferguson again it will be too soon.”