I’m just a metaphor for sex, realises Easter Bunny

THE Easter Bunny has expressed shock and disgust that he’s just some weird metaphor for sex.

The seasonal rabbit said it had finally clicked with him that rabbits are known for their excessive mating and that the eggs he delivers are a symbol of birth.

He said: “I was getting all these eggs ready for kids and then I thought, ‘This isn’t just delicious chocolate that coincidentally happens to be egg-shaped, this whole thing is about reproduction’.

“I’m not totally sure how comfortable I am with being a massive symbol of fertility, especially given that most of my fans are under 12.

“I thought I was doing it because rabbits were cool and funky and kids love them. Now I feel a bit soiled.”

Other animals have already offered to step in if the Easter Bunny quits his role as main egg delivery operative.

Duck Mary Fisher said: “I’m happy to be a symbol of fertility and I can also deliver my own eggs.”

Meanwhile polar bear Wayne Hayes said he would deliver the eggs for free as long as he got his expenses covered.