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It's true, I work evenings in Sainsbury's, says Kate

PRINCESS Kate has confirmed that, as a new book claims, she is indeed only a part-time royal and works evenings in Sainsbury’s.

Showing off her toned legs to the president of South Korea and playing wheelchair rugby is merely a side gig for the Princess of Wales, who spends most of her evenings stacking shelves in the supermarket on Penarth road.

She said: “It’s less glamorous than royal duties but it helps to pay the bills. Plus I get a 10 per cent staff discount.

“Once I’ve finished cutting ribbons and getting my picture taken for the papers, I hop into an Uber and head to what King Charles jokingly calls my ‘real job’, the cheeky sod.

“Sometimes people recognise me or notice my name badge, and I have to pretend to be someone else and laugh it off like ‘could you imagine?’ Then we have a good bitch about Meghan for five minutes or until I need to verify an age-related sale.

“More of us moonlight than you think. William is a rider for Deliveroo, and even Anne does the odd shift in Sports Direct. She likes the big mugs.”

Royalist Susan Traherne said: “Oh my God, Kate looks so good in that maroon and orange Sainsbury’s uniform. Anyone know where I can get one?”

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Brie and bubbly-flavoured crisps, and other vile Christmas foods the world doesn't need

IT’S still only November but the shops are awash with disgusting Christmas-themed food. Here are some festive offerings which will delight nobody.

Ludicrously flavoured crisps

Fancy a turkey tikka masala crisp? How about pigs-in-blanket flavour? Or brie and bubbly? They all sound awful, and yet you’ll find yourself throwing them into your shopping trolley with gay abandon, simply because they’re there. Capitalism has definitely done a number on you.

Pimped mince pies

Mince pies are delicious in their traditional form, and yet supermarkets just cannot resist messing with perfection. Adding frangipane, custard or a silly little crumble that will go all over your jumper does absolutely nothing to improve them. Even the iced ones do not top the originals. Just leave them alone.

Bizarre desserts

Christmas pudding and Christmas cake are the only desserts needed on Christmas Day. The clue is in the name. And yet your mum will still feel the need to attempt to make a Heston Blumenthal bacon and banana trifle, which tastes as nasty as it sounds and therefore goes in the bin, untouched, the day after Boxing Day.

Weird cheese

Would you consider buying espresso martini Wensleydale at any time of year other than Christmas? Of course not. And yet here you are stocking up on gin-and-gingerbread cheddar using the flimsy excuse that it’s fun to try something ‘a bit different’. It will be vile, and it will serve you right.

Frozen party food

Who doesn’t love arriving at a party to find a huge spread of beige food, plus a prawn ring that looks like it should have been taken out of the freezer a bit earlier? Chow down on chicken Christmas trees and cheddar and onion breaded stars until you hate both yourself and the festive season.

Christmas pudding for dogs

Anyone who can be convinced to part with money for some sort of bastardised dessert for dogs should be psychologically assessed. The canine mind does not crave dried fruit or kibble in festive colours their eyes can’t process. Throw them an old sausage and they won’t notice the difference.

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