Jordan very sad

JORDAN is sad now because she got married to a man but he is a bad man.

Jordan is in the paper and on telly too sometimes but not so much these days. She has big boobs and a big house, like what you want.

She said: “I am sad, the man is bad and he did a thing that made me feel upset inside.

“I want to go in my house and cry. He is a dirty dirty man.

“I want a man to be nice to me, then I will not be sad. I will be happy.”

The reason Jordan is sad is that the man put it in a woman, like when a man and woman make a baby but not like that because they do not love each other.

The man said: “I am a bad man. I liked doing the thing with the lady when I did it, but now I think it was not a good idea.”

Jordan wrote on the Twitter: “All of the men just think about putting it in many women. Why is this?

“I like horses.”

38-year-old Heat read Mary Fisher said: “The man is bad. I want Jordan to go on a horse with Peter Andre.

“The horse has wings and they will fly up in the sky forever.”

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Work is fun, confirm bosses

BRITAIN’S bosses have confirmed that work is fun and not boring as claimed by Benefits Street star White Dee.

Business leaders urged workers to ignore White Dee in case they started to have negative thoughts about carrying heavy boxes, putting numbers into spreadsheets or pestering strangers to buy insurance.

CBI chief Denys Finch Hatton said: “White Dee is completely insane and may need to be locked up.

“Work is endlessly fun and stimulating. For example, if you’re a toilet cleaner, you can pretend you’re taking part in the ‘toilet olympics’ by seeing how many toilets you can clean in a morning.

“And working in an office is exactly like being at a party, if parties had a photocopier and all the guests sat in silence inputting data.

“I love work. Today I thought about how much I get paid for sitting on the boards of companies, making elementary management decisions for a few hours a week and I couldn’t stop smiling.”

Finch Hatton added that it was unlikely so many people would give up 40 hours a week for wages that barely covered food and travel costs if they weren’t having a really good time.

Factory worker Donna Sheridan said: “I’m not sure if my job is fun or not. I used to think it was so boring I might go mad, but now I have quite interesting conversations with the fish fingers.”