Kate Winslet awarded CBE for baffling fashion choices

Kate Winslet has been honoured by the Queen for her services to sartorial bewilderment.

The actress has been photographed dressed as a ferret, an elderly soviet farmer from the 40s and wearing an all-in-one suit made entirely from lead tiles.

The Queen averted her eyes as she told Winslet: “I thought you were very good when you were a Nazi. And I liked the one when you were all wet.”

Kate Winslet said: “I never expected to receive this honour. But people have stopped asking me about my ‘womanly curves’ now I turn up to stuff in scuba gear.

“The headlines used to say ‘is she pregnant?’. Now they say ‘is she insane?’ which I prefer.”